I like to think I’m at my most entertaining on Twitter when my flight is delayed, probably because I’m a little tipsy. Which may mean I’m NOT entertaining and merely misremembering the facts. But please bear with today’s facetious post because I have over 7,000 miles ahead of me before I get home, and I bet there will be some bumps along the way. To satisfy the teetotalers, I’ll make up for it on Monday with an article about why you shouldn’t drink on airplanes. 😉
See, I have developed my own yardstick for measuring the length of delays that I call the “Gin and Tonic Rule.”
The basic concept is similar to Michelin star ratings except more gin and tonics are a bad thing. It means I need more booze to ease my way through the travails of travel. There’s a reason those words have the same etymological root. But I tend to be a happy drunk, so it may be the more the better if you’re stuck as my seat mate.
One Gin and Tonic
Every flight gets at least one gin and tonic. To be fair, every trip has its own inconveniences and issues (not least of which is the hassle of traveling through an airport) that earn it that first cocktail. Also, on almost every airline I fly I either have an upgrade to first class or I have elite status that confers a free beverage in coach.
Two Gin and Tonics
Add a second gin and tonic if my flight is delayed on the ground and I need to spend time in the airport lounge. At least I have lounge access, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I want to be there. I would prefer to arrive at the airport, board, and get to my destination as soon as possible.
Note: I am not talking about when the flight attendant gives you two free gin and tonics for failing to upgrade. I’ll take that any day!
Three Gin and Tonics
Uh oh. We boarded the plane and aren’t going anywhere. Someone in a yellow safety jacket entered the plane and headed to the cockpit. The flight attendants start serving a round of pre-departure beverages in first class. You already know what I’m having: another gin and tonic.
Four Gin and Tonics
The pilot comes on and rather than make an announcement about finishing up paperwork, they’re still trying to figure out what the issue is. They’re still hoping we won’t have to deplane, or perhaps we would deplane except we’re at a small local station where there’s nowhere else to go. The flight attendant comes by to offer another round to first and coach passengers.
Five Gin and Tonics
I almost never reach this point. After five gin and tonics I should be at our destination, sleeping off the booze rather than waiting for the door to close. But it has happened. Five gin and tonics are the “danger zone.” Either we’re about to take off or we’re about to deplane and reschedule all the passengers on new flights. I probably don’t care anymore. Sitting on a plane for two hours is not how I planned to spend my evening.